Arizona Story Time

The Great Saga of driving south in our brand new 33 foot travel trailer. There will be laughter and tears. Mostly hysterical on both counts. I suspect there may be tears on your part simply because I may have a tiny problem with knowing when and/or how to stop talking. But, hey, you’re here for now. You can always leave when you want. I’ll never know.

Tim and I have been planning this trip to Arizona to visit his parents for a couple months. He has been picking up tons of extra over time so we can pretend we are rich while we travel and I’ve been doing what I do best. Making Lists. Don’t knock it. Lists are great! They let you see exactly how many things you are currently procrastinating on as well as give you the amazing feeling that you are doing Some Great Work when you cross something off. Of course, that is all entirely dependent on actually doing something. Small details.

4/21/21 – Wednesday

Our original plan was to leave on Thursday at some revoltingly obscene hour of the morning. That oh-so-pleasant time of day where it is not, in fact, day but more like a primordial snapshot of existence wherein Eldritch Horrors roam and your very soul is in jeopardy. Tim had the excellent thought of avoiding said Eldritch Horrors and leaving the night before to get a short head start and have an opportunity to set up the trailer for the first time without worrying too much about driving fatigue.

I feel like I need to really stress this first time business. We traded in our 18 foot travel trailer two weeks before we left on this trip. There is a marked difference between an 18 foot travel trailer and a 33 foot travel trailer. Besides the obvious things – the two fireplaces in the bigger rig as well as a complete bathroom – there is the absolute mass of the thing. Tim’s truck is more than capable of towing it even if I fill it up with Heavy Things, so that is not really the issue. It is more that neither of us have ever hauled something that is substantially bigger than, yaknow, an 18 foot travel trailer.

So all was going as planned in the days leading up to the trip. Tim was Making Money, I was Making Lists, and Reggie was Making Drool.

But, The Universe decided that we needed more excitement in our lives. Or rather, my daughter decided we needed more excitement in our lives. Not that it was entirely her fault. You see, at the time, she was approximately 42 months pregnant. I know, it doesn’t seem possible, right? Clearly, you have never been pregnant before. Time bends and warps during the ninth month of your pregnancy so that by the time the baby is almost ready to make a Grand Entrance, another 33 months have passed. And, again in her defense, I *did* tell her she needed to have my first grandbaby before we left. And she is a remarkably obedient daughter. (OK, she really is more headstrong and independent than obedient…but it is part of what makes her so awesome). So, as you can obviously see, it was entirely out of her control. Her labor was more challenging than any woman should ever have to go through, but she did a great job and delivered an amazing little guy who may very well be The Most Loved Tiny Human in the Galaxy.

Yes, yes, I’m a grandma and I can see you are concerned that I am getting WAY off track with talk of this Tiny Human. No worries, it does tie in. Mostly. Honest.

Her labor was long and I was fortunate enough to be able to provide her some support through the process. So by the time Wednesday rolled around, I had only had about 2-3 hours of sleep since Sunday. Pro-tip for anyone planning a two week road trip: Do not leave the house on very little sleep. Lesson Learned.

As soon as I got home from the hospital, I realized that 97% of my lists were so far behind I was never going to catch up. Things happen, I figured we could roll with it. Spent an hour or two finishing up the packing and then Tim, Reggie, and I were off to the storage unit to pick up the trailer. It is important to note that this storage unit is about an hour away from where we live.

By the time we were about 10 minutes from the trailer, we realized we may have forgotten a few things. Like the keys to the propane tanks. OK, no biggie, there are two tanks and they are huge. We probably wouldn’t be going through both of them, and worst case if we did, we could just cut the bolt. Problem solved – go us!! Oh. But we also forgot to pack 90% of Tim’s clothing. I am not entirely clear on how we managed to forget such a seemingly critical thing. We were rushing ourselves more than we should have been, but still, it sort of cracks me up. I am just thankful we managed to remember to stop and get the trailer. Would have been a challenging trip without it. My thought process at this point was he said he had underwear – what else does he need? For some reason he felt it was important to have more than a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants for a two week vacation in the desert. I love my husband more than life and if something is important to him, then it is important to me as well. But seriously. Clothing? Fine, fine. So we turned around and drove 50 minutes back home to get the clothes and propane keys.

Another hour back to the storage place. We get there and think all is well. Propane tank keys? Still at home. Yeah. We are That Organized. Not only that, but it wasn’t until we had the trailer hooked up that we realized that we may have forgotten another item. We paid a small premium to have a rear camera mounted on the back side of the trailer to make driving safer. I was pretty adamant about it, and Tim was in total agreement. No, we didn’t forget the camera – it is hardwired to the trailer, silly! We forgot the monitor that connects to the camera so we could actually, you know, SEE the camera feed.

Since I was responsible for most of the packing (to be clear, that did not include my husbands clothing since I have no idea what he wanted to take), I was feeling Much Guilt and Some Anguish at forgetting an Important Safety Device. Tim was super cool about it. Mostly because when it was originally installed, they only gave him a 4 inch screen (the horror!!!) and he really wanted a bigger one. Guess we have to upgrade it sooner than expected. Some things are just Meant To Be.

In the end, we made it to our first camp site without any further mishaps. We managed to set everything up (and in this case when I say “we” I mean Tim did everything) and even managed to enjoy an exciting and fun filled dinner from Burger King. What?! After all that, you think I was gonna cook!? Hahahaha!! Reggie enjoyed a french fry or two and guarded us from the peacocks and peahens that were wandering around the campground. He was so protective from his tactically advantageous position of behind our legs. Such a Brave Boy.

4/22/21 – Thursday

Day 2 of The Grand Adventure!!! We made it through the night in the wilds of Washington with peacocks roaming the land and wolves howling in the distance. Tim said I would have really enjoyed the hooting of the owls and the occasional bat doing flybys had I not fallen into a coma quite so early.

Trailer hook up went well and we hit the road at about 8. Driving through Washington on the west side of the mountains is both beautiful and terrifying. There really are no words that adequately describe the awesome majesty of the mountains on a clear day. The rivers flowing off the cliffs, burbling water racing to the lakes. I am not a poetic person, but it almost makes me want to learn how to poet just to try to describe Nature.

The terrifying part of the drive should be mentioned. When we first started camping and doing road trips, I discovered An Interesting Fact about myself. Apparently, I do not like heights. I mean, they are all well and good as long as they stay where they are. Far away from me. It isn’t like they are doing anything wrong by just existing. But when they decide to get up close and personal with me….well, it is not something I care to experience. Driving through the mountains there are a lot of twisty roads that also go up and down. I know, seems a bit weird, right? Mountain side…verticality. Odd. And the only thing protecting you from an inglorious, painful fall to certain death is…a teeny, tiny guardrail made out of tinfoil that is primarily placed to just remind you of how fragile life really is. So the majority of the drive through the passes is usually spent with Tim talking to me as if I’m a skittish wild animal while I close my eyes and try to think about unicorns and rainbows. I’ve done a lot of thinking about unicorns and rainbows. And I have leveled up my Deep Breathing Scores to Master Level. Life is about constantly learning and growing as a human. Driving through these areas has allowed me to learn and grow much faster than may be psychologically prudent.

One thing about road trips that I love, there are many things, but I particularly enjoy the conversations Tim and I have on these trips. They range from the deep – the meaning of life, the purpose of our existence – to the inane – politics. C’mon! You know politics are positively ridiculous! We’ve been discussing the things we think we might need for future trips and I’ve been keeping a list so we can prioritize and shop for good deals.

One of the items Tim really would like to purchase is a set of towing side mirrors for the truck. They are taller and stick out farther than the regular mirrors. Well, I’m all about anything that makes driving safer since I discovered my Inner Anxiety Girl. So while we were motoring down the mountain side, I started researching towing side mirrors for a Dodge Ram. Funny thing. We’ve had this truck for about two years. We’ve taken it camping, towing a trailer, for that long as well. When we bought the truck, we were happy that it had a towing package already installed. The dealer told us this package was primarily focused on engine differences and the hitch, we had to install the brake thingy. No idea what that is actually called, but it’s a brake that works on the trailer from the truck. The mirrors themselves are not exactly free, but about $300 seems like the going price depending on what kind of options you get with them. So we spent hours and hours of this trip discussing pros and cons of various mirrors and pricing and where to get them and if Tim should install them or have the dealer do it. As I am looking at the various mirrors for sale with their options, I noticed that some of them looked remarkably similar to what we already had on the truck.

Guess what guys?!?! Our truck has towing mirrors!!!! Turns out you can just flip the mirrors we already have, and presto! Instant safety. Yeah. I can feel how impressed everyone is with our level of knowledge and organization!!!

So the rest of our day was spent shaking our heads at each other and being thankful that we didn’t actually buy some new ones. That would have been even more embarrassing.

Made camp in the evening in Caldwell, Idaho. Idaho is remarkably potato-looking. The roads are the same color as the dirt. I cannot decide if this is positive or not. On the one hand…potato – the most perfect food in the world. On the other hand…very disconcerting to drive over a potato.

4/23/21 – Friday

Today was Trauma Day. It all started out well enough. Left Caldwell without any real difficulties, but the travelling was starting to wear on both of us. Not that it was hard or anything, but drive, sleep, drive, sleep can be exhausting. We left Idaho and entered Nevada or, as I have started to affectionally refer to it, Satan’s Buttcrack. Now, if you are from the state of Nevada (SB) I mean no disrespect or offence. There is a perfectly logical reason for this nickname I have given this lovely state. It goes like this: Satan is, historically, Evil Incarnate. Evil can take many forms – subtle, so you don’t even know it is there all the way to In Your Face Direct. From the moment we crossed the border, The Evil was dogging us every mile we drove.

Firstly, we were tired. Understandable. We’ve been tired before and get snippy with each other – typical married stuff. But we usually get over it pretty fast. Forgive and forget and all that. We really do have a great relationship. But in SB? It was as if the forces of Evil were taking notice of us and just sending their slimy little feelers out to see how hard we would be to break. So the snippy happened, but we didn’t get over it as fast as we usually do. We both really tried, though. I firmly believe that. After a few minutes of not talking to each other (side note – it is impossible to lock yourself in another room when you are mad at your spouse and driving down a highway at 75mph) we would both apologize and reaffirm our undying devotion to each other and attempt to move on. This went on most of the morning, each time feeling a bit worse for the experience, but seemingly powerless to stop it.

During this part of the drive our views out the windows sucked. There were no mountains to ogle, no rivers to watch, no cliff edges to be afraid of. It was pure, unadulterated desolation. And the road was gray and boring and went on and on and on….ad infinitum. Kinda like how I blog!!!

We were using The Google to navigate and kept losing satellite signal. We really didn’t consider this panic-worthy since there was only one road and a bunch of scrub grass. While we weren’t exactly getting along the greatest, it wasn’t rocket science trying to figure out the direction to take. Cell phone service was the same – spotty at best.

Around lunch time, Tim commented that we needed fuel. So I pulled up The Google and found a couple places ahead we could go to. We arrived at this little town (don’t remember the name) with one whole gas-station in it that was built in such a way that it would be impossible to pull the trailer into without redesigning the entire building structure.

SB tendrals were getting stronger.

So, back to The Google. Google testafied that there were other fueling areas not too far ahead. Tim consulted with the trucks fuel economy/range thingy and it happily reassured us it was good to go, that it would be no problem and it would be it’s greatest pleasure to get us there with fuel to spare.

Crises averted, we turned back toward the highway and continued on. After about 30 minutes, Tim and I were no longer snippy with each other, so that was good – SB can’t win ’em all, but was going for the Long Game. There were no fueling areas. I attempted to contact The Google again to confirm what I was told earlier and Google decided it would be an excellent time to ignore the satellite. Another 30 minutes pass in tense silence. We were both quite determined to not let SB win. Well, I was determined, Tim was busy doing whatever it is one does while towing a large trailer to conserve diesel.

A minimal amount of time passed. It should be said that neither of us were feeling particularly light and carefree. I had visions of the truck beginning to sputter and jerk, causing some sort of mechanical reaction that I wouldn’t understand and we would just blow up. Later, Tim told me his thoughts were more on the amount of walking he would have to do through the desert. One mile? Twenty-Five miles? It was a great mystery that he just didn’t really want an answer to. In retrospect, Tim’s thoughts made much more sense than mine.

Since The Google and The Satellite were engaging in a long distance game of fisticuffs, it was decided that we would pull over and discuss our options. There were so many to choose from. Keep driving and run out of gas with no where to pull over and possibly die from a semi running into us? Nah….opted not to go that route. Pull over at a place of our choosing, disconnect the trailer and hope that the resulting increase in fuel economy would be enough to get to the gas station? Yeah – that is what we ended up doing. We had pulled over in a large enough spot that the trailer wasn’t right ON the highway. And it was less than a mile down the road where they had been doing some construction, so on the off chance that Tim took 23 hours, there were still people sorta nearby. Sorta.

So, Reggie and I took up strategic positions inside the camper and Tim left to go on A Great Hunt for diesel. Later, Tim explained the level of Near Panic he was feeling at this option. His thoughts were incredibly self castigating – how could he screw up so bad as to leave his wife and dog on the side of the road? He was reasonably certain we were probably going to be attacked and taken into some major human trafficking ring and he would never see either of us again. Or just randomly murdered by pirates and he would return to our dead bodies.

Where to begin unpacking those thoughts? Not his fault. The Google did it. Dog would be sent to a dog trafficking ring, not human. And I’m too old for that sort of thing anyway. Pirates tend not to be located in the middle of a land locked state. Makes it hard to navigate their ships to and from the ocean. And the most salient point, I really appreciate how Reggie and I are pretty much on the same level in Tim’s mind. After all was said and done, we were pretty much in total agreement with most of those points, but at the time…not so much.

Took about an hour for Tim to find his way back to us. Fortunately, he was able to find a diesel station and fill up. While he was gone, Reggie and I did just fine. It was probably for the best that we didn’t see a single pirate or human/dog trafficker. I was heavily armed with a dull steak knife. Reggie was fearlessly hiding behind my legs whenever a car went by. So, SB didn’t win this round.

When Tim returned, we all celebrated joyously, there was much cheering and clapping and general all around happy. Spent a few minutes hooking the trailer back up, congratulating each other on living through The Trauma, and hopped back into the truck to be on our way!

But wait. SB wasn’t finished with us yet.

I don’t know what you know about trailers and parts of trailers and things that trailers need to exist as trailers. But I have learned that something called a tongue jack is a critical piece of trailer-ness. It allows the trailer to not fall forward when disconnected from the hitch, more importantly, it raises and lowers the trailer onto the hitch. Once it is hooked up to the truck, it is super, super important to raise the tongue jack (either manually with a crank, or electronically with a button as ours was) because otherwise it will just scrape on the ground providing a ton of drag and probably break in half. It is a pretty hefty piece of equipment. It is possible to break it, difficult, but possible.

Well, guess what, guys? We stretched the limits of difficult and broke the tongue jack.

We travelled less than a foot with it down. And, to be entirely honest, neither of us are entirely sure we didn’t put it up. But I find it hard to believe we simply forgot. Yes it’s a new trailer, but we’ve been trailering before for a while. And yes, we were both under some stress, but, again, we’ve done this more than once. Funny thing is the past couple times we have set up camp, the trailer batteries have been dead. Not sure what it is that is sucking them dry, but there is some thought that the stupid thing was broken to begin with and we were just lucky enough to break it even more. When we initially picked up the trailer from the dealer, the guy doing the walk through with us was having major issues with it. He kept saying it was fine, the jack is fine, everything is fine. And we didn’t have any reason to doubt him.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter at that point if it was user error or just a bad jack. We (Tim) spent over an hour trying to get the stupid thing off the trailer. It was bent so badly that we couldn’t even use the manual crank to lift it. Ended up unbolting everything, hammering it to death and ripping it out. I feel that was an appropriate response to the stress we were both feeling and was perversely grateful that it was so dang hard to remove. After it was finally off, we were able to drive safely. The hitch and sway bars and chains and stuff were all sound. So off we went. Again. SB can suck it.

Camped that night in Caliente, Nevada. Left the trailer hooked up to the truck and both of us passed out cold. While it wasn’t the best night ever, it passed and we survived this segment of SB’s tendrils.

4/24/21 – Saturday

Left Caliente this morning without difficulty. Was a lot easier to get going since we didn’t have to hook up the trailer. Drove through a bit of Las Vegas. Also known as The Jewel of the Desert. Or something equally ridiculous.

Driving through Las Vegas wasn’t the greatest. I am pretty sure we were primarily on the outskirts of the city, but people are crazy. I cannot tell you how many billboards we passed for legal representation due to vehicle accidents. The confidence we were feeling as we drove was low to begin with, but the billboards coupled with the drivers was just…unreal.

By the time we crossed the border into Arizona, we were both hoping for a mental reprieve. We had hours to drive and we still had to go to the nearest RV place to get a new tongue jack to replace the corrupt hunk of metal we removed the day before. Then find our campground and set up. Then head to Tim’s parents house.

Funny thing tho – I am 110% convinced that leaving Nevada was the turn around. We were still tired, and the drivers in Arizona are, to put it mildly, insane but I was feeling much better by afternoon. Until we hit rush hour traffic. Where we narrowly avoided no less than three accidents because people are stupid and believe you can just pull your tiny little box car in front of 17,000 pounds of moving mass and expect it to be able to stop on a dime. I thought a lot about unicorns and rainbows.

Finally made it to the RV store, bought a new jack and replaced it right there in the parking lot. Tim also upgraded his camera monitor. And we were able to find the campsite without problems. Set up went quickly and we spent a nice evening with his parents.

All in all, things could have been a LOT worse. And I am sincerely looking forward to that day in the future when we can look back and laugh at this adventure. Tim doesn’t believe that day will ever arrive, but I am hopeful.

4/25/21 – Sunday

Spent the day with The Parents. Ate much food, had much laughter. Only one minor incident of my pants deciding they were not going to stay attached. I had a wardrobe malfunction. It was traumatizing. I am glad I wasn’t in a public place. That is all I am saying about it.

4/26/21 – Monday

Happy Birthday to the Most Awesome Father a person could ever, ever have in a bajillion and four years!! Today is Tim’s dad’s 75th Birthday!!

Celebrations are in order! Unfortunately, The Plague ruined any potential of public merry making. So we ended up getting some take-out from Chili’s and eating at home. Expensive beer was consumed. What happens in Phoenix, stays in Phoenix.

It was a good day. One of those days where you couldn’t really put your finger on any specific thing and say “this is what made it so great”. Rather, it was a day spent in excellent company with good food and great conversation where you felt welcome and at home and loved. What could be better?

4/27/21 – Tuesday

Very uneventful vacation day. Tim went to his parents to help them with a few minor home repairs. My primary concern with this was that he and his father had to go to the hardware store for parts. Normally, Tim is able to find his way home after such an adventure by himself. But I had some Grave Concerns that he and his father might become lost and wander aimlessly through the aisles of Home Depot forever – both with incredibly goofy grins on their faces, randomly slapping each other on the arm and saying “Hey! Look at this!” for all of eternity. While I cannot even begin to fathom the change in brainwave patterns home improvement stores seem to inflict upon them, I DO understand that it is A Thing. So I worry.

I spent the day trying to figure out how WordPress works and how to post pictures without actually sacrificing live animals or pouring ceremonial wine on my computer to make things work. My son suggested I try Imgur for hosting pics since it was, otherwise, kicking my butt. And hey! Look at this! It worked! He is so smart.

Tim and I did some light shopping in the evening. Since the bed in our trailer is masquerading as a cement slab (quite effectively, I might add) we checked out a place that sells bedding just for RV’s. Found a super comfy mattress that we may pick up tomorrow – they have to call around to see if they have one in Phoenix. Keeping fingers crossed that they do. Heck, given how horrible our current mattress is, we don’t really have to keep our fingers crossed, since every vertebrae in our backs is already crossed. That’s lucky, isn’t it?

Also discovered an awesome fast food place called Weinerschnitzel. Seriously! I’m sure others have heard of it before since it’s been around for a bajillion years, but it was new to me. It’s all about hot dogs and chili dogs and corn dogs and now I am hungry again. They also had a Fruit Loop milk shake. Oh yeah….sign me up – that was pure, sugary heaven in a cup!

Went to the Arrowhead Mall in Glendale. All I’m gonna say is I’m glad we got our Plague Shots already. Masks are not a requirement in Arizona anymore. I guess the logic is there is a vaccine out there, so the Plague knows to just leave everyone alone. It’s a darn good thing science is followed so closely – who knows what shenanigans that pesky virus might get up to otherwise?

The whole point of going to the mall was to pick up a couple of personal clothing items. You see, we did bring a decent selection of clothes – well, we had to go back for half of them, but you get the idea – but we were also planning on doing laundry at some point when we got to Phoenix. Unfortunately, we have not done laundry, so someone may have run out of underwear. I am not saying who. No matter, was an easy fix. Found some, went to pay and (I’m still dying from the laughter here) the total cost was $105 and change. No, that is not a typo, you read that correctly. Four pairs of underwear. Over $100. No, neither of us looked at the price when they were picked out, I mean, given the store we were at we did expect them to be a bit higher priced than Target, but still! I sincerely hope they are as comfortable and breathable as advertised.

We also stopped in my current favorite clothing store. I tried very hard to just walk on by, but Tim asked me if I wanted to go in. That is basically twisting my arm and forcing me. And can you really go into your favorite clothing store and NOT buy things? No. It is not possible. I was hoping they would have a different selection than what the store in Washington carries and I was not disappointed. They only had one or two things I recognized. But the thing that made me go “huh!” was that the shirts and pants and skirts and every single item (almost) had skulls on it. I felt a bit like maybe the Arizona store was catering to a bit of a different fashion group than I was comfortable with. I don’t mind skulls and dead things, but I tend not to wear them on my clothing as decoration. I prefer a more casual look with Not Dead things as a design. Not a judgement, just a preference. And upon further reflection, I realized that there are a lot of skull decorations in this area in general. On buildings, billboards, all over really. It did throw me for a bit of a loop until I finally said something to Tim about it. He got his Patented “I have to explain this to my wife” Look and I realized I was missing something important. Apparently! It’s a Mexican cultural reference to Day of the Dead. Or something along those lines. And we are in Phoenix, Arizona. Which, checking the map, is only an inch or two away from Mexico. These are the sort of connections that I totally miss on a regular basis.

Returning to the trailer that night, we could more clearly see what the reviews about the campsite meant about this particular park being in a sketchy area of town. The park itself feels safe, but the area around it isn’t really somewhere you’d want to wander around alone after dark. As we got out of the truck, I heard gunfire – five rapid fire shots followed by, what sounded like, hysterical screaming. Didn’t sound like it was right next door, but definitely close enough to hear clearly. I made a rapid beeline for the trailer with Tim right beside me attempting to herd me in the door a bit faster than I was going. Discretion is the better part of valor. We also decided to look into bullet proof siding for the trailer. That’s a thing, isn’t it?

4/28/21 – Wednesday

Well, yet another exciting and fun filled day in Arizona. I gotta say, the weather isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I am told it has been unusually cold the last couple of days. Today was in the upper 70’s. Cold? Um. Not according to my temperature sensors. But, I’m not from around here, either. It has been somewhat cloudy out. And it rained! The one day of the entire year Arizona gets rain, and we are here for it.

The heat is a dry heat. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that – but it’s true. I lived in Hawaii for a while and it would just be hot and muggy. Where your clothes would stick to your person and your hair would never dry after a shower. Yuck. This is nice, though. My hair dries super fast. So does all of my skin. But looking like a lizard is a small price to pay for not wet hair and my knee not screaming at me from barometer changes. I think that very soon I am going to be yelling at kids and animals to stay off my lawn. I don’t even have a lawn, but I do believe that is the Natural Progression of Life. Maybe I can get a small container and grow some lawn. Put it outside by the RV steps. Yell at people to stay off it. Yes. Will have to look into that before too long.

Went to lunch at Bobby Q’s. Where they have…yup…barbeque. They smoke the meat and do the cooking…grilling? all in house. Was pretty good. Tim’s is better. And I am not just saying that because he is my husband and will be reading this at some point. It really is better. Probably because he makes it with love. And a phone app for the smoker. I’m going with love, it just sounds nicer.

I am supposed to be planning our trip back to Washington since neither of us did that yet and I said I would. So far, I have one loooooong trip from here to home. We can do it without stops, right? It’s only about 1200 miles. I just asked Tim. It is probably for the best that his response cannot be typed out.

We also went to Best Buy today. I find it kinda hilarious that whenever we go somewhere new and interesting, we stop at a Best Buy. Didn’t really make it out of the store without buying things. I needed a storage device for all the pictures I’ve been taking. NEEDED. Thankfully, my husband understands that computer related objects fall under the “NEED” heading of life. I married a good man.

Otherwise a pretty chill day. That is what vacations are for.

4/30/21 – Friday

It is already Friday and I have no idea where the week went. I do have a written record of it, but it went by so fast! Time is so weird. Twenty years ago seems like last week and yesterday feels like just a few minutes ago. It has been said that time speeds up as you get older, and I think there is Much Truth in that. I feel like I can just blink now and an entire month has gone by. I wonder if I stopped blinking, would time stand still? It seems like a plausible theory.

Few things I’ve noticed around here that strike me as different. It is still hotter than…well, let’s just say it is really hot. It was 90 degrees at 8pm. Just weird. Felt like stepping into a sauna all day and I cannot say I didn’t enjoy it! I love saunas. Of course, after about an hour, my brain cells were pretty much fried and I could smell the faint aroma of charred flesh baking, but hey! It was great while it lasted! OK, no, I did not actually char my flesh. We have been using SPF one zillion level sunscreen. Tim still managed to get a sunburn on the back of one knee. How in the world did he manage that?

The cell phone towers are positively adorable down here. In Washington they are just your basic metal tower thingy – sometimes poorly disguised as a flagpole. In Arizona, though….

See? Just too awesome! I feel very fortunate to be so amused by such randomly dorky things!

A few more random observations:

There are many drivers who are actively trying to kill you while driving down the road. I am not exaggerating this – driving down here is like taking your life in your own hands and tossing it around like a baseball and not the fragile, unboiled egg it actually is. Tim and I think there are two probable reasons for this. The first being that this is The Last Wild West. So people are just rushing hither and yon without a care in the world except for their own personal selves. The second is that every single car has tinted windows. And we aren’t talking a light tint. Most are that super dark tint that is not even legal in some areas. And this includes the front windshield! So it may be that no one can see anyone else and just assumes they are alone. I can’t think of any other reason for the insane driving. I shudder to think what the insurance rates might be.

Another thing we’ve noticed that makes sense but also makes me wonder if I ever could live down here is that most of the outside workers, gardeners, construction workers, etc, all have to wear protective clothing from the sun. I hadn’t really thought about it, but they all wear long sleeves, long pants, heavy shoes, and balaclavas. I mean, it makes total sense – skin cancer is A Thing. But their tolerance to the heat is just impressive as heck. I don’t think I could do it. And if I hired someone to help with something, I would probably tip them a billion dollars just out of guilt for asking them to do something in this heat.

There are markedly less homeless people too. It may be that we just haven’t seen that many, but we both expected to see more. It is a warm climate, much better than Seattle in some ways. I could see being homeless here in the winter time. But I guess in the summer it would be intolerable. Which makes me wonder if homeless people go from city to city? I know, maybe that sounds like a stupid question – and it probably is. But given the weather here, I guess it makes sense that there aren’t more. Or maybe Arizona has better social outreach programs? I find that hard to believe given there seem to be a lot of Trump supporters, but I don’t know for sure.

Oh! One of the awesome things is the golf carts. Golf carts are just awesome by themselves, but you can drive them ALL OVER here. Obviously not on the highway, but there are a ton of teeny-tiny traffic signs everywhere just for people who drive their golf carts around! I find that just wonderful and I want to get a golf cart when we move down here. There were even some parked outside the entrance to the various ER’s we drove by – and I wondered how they got there. Did someone have chest pain and decide to drive their golf cart to the ER? Is someone picking up a family member after a hospital stay to drive them home….in their golf cart? I don’t know the answers to those questions, but I do know Tim and I need to get one. If only to fit in!

Another thing – weed is legal. OK, it is in Washington as well. But what Arizona has that Washington lacks? Delivery. That’s right. You can make a phone call, order some pot, and a delivery person will bring it to you. With a weed pizza – if you order that too. I mean, this is Stoner Heaven, right here! I am not personally into The Weed so much that I’d need it delivered. But I can see the definite benefits.

Since we are leaving tomorrow to start our return trip home, I still have a lot to finish up around the trailer. I am very hopeful that our journey will be full of laughter and joy and non-broken trailer parts. I will, of course, update. But we are not going through Nevada, so there is reason to have hope.

5/1/21 – Saturday

Well! We made it to the first stop on our return trip! I cannot even begin to express how exciting that is! I am sure the only reason we are here is because we avoided Nevada altogether.

We stopped at a rest stop in Arizona. I had some initial concerns related to this stop, as the picture will explain, but we managed to successfully return to the truck without mishap.

We tried cutting our drive times a bit shorter for the return. Tim planned our initial trip down and we averaged 7+ hours of driving a day. That was not very fun since I am too dang terrified to even attempt to drive. I know, I’m a wimp. And I wish I could say what it is that is causing the terror because it would be so nice to be able to give Tim a break. I think I need to Just Do It. But not on the highway. Maybe an empty parking lot. Something. I really do need to get over my Issues.

So we are only driving 5-6 hours a day now. And since I have procrastinated making a full itinerary, we are winging it each night. Just sorta picking a good looking highway on the map that leads in the general direction of home and hoping we can find an RV camp site on the way. I mean, even if we can’t, we can boondock somewhere. My OCD is really not coping well with this plan, but I want to stretch my horizons a bit. Or try to. They say it is healthy. I don’t know who “they” are, but I really wish they would put it in writing so they can be responsible for the truck exploding or falling off a cliff.

Speaking of cliffs, there were some. And I didn’t like them. We drove up to Utah through the western edge of the Painted Desert and it. was. beautiful. I didn’t know dirt and rocks were available in so many colors! Greens, pinks, pastels, blues. Was like an entire paint palette, which explains the name.

I took sooo many pictures. Unfortunately, none of them are very good. Not because I am an awful photographer, but I think because they were all taken with my cell phone. The part where we are moving down the highway at 75 mph may have had a part in it as well. They don’t really show the color variation or the amazing rock striations. I am a little disappointed.

We also crossed the Glen Canyon Dam on Lake Powell. It was Very High in the Air. I did take some pictures there, as well. If you count keeping your eyes closed, pointing the camera in the general direction of the window, and spamming the shutter button as taking pictures. I think it qualifies.

Tim also taught me to play The Animal Game. Growing up, my family didn’t do any travelling, so I never knew about some of these nifty little time passers. In this game the idea is to call out an animal when you see it. Only one person can claim the animal (or group/herd of animals) and they get a point for it. If another group of the same type of animal is seen later, another person can call it out and claim it. So the trick is to get an animal or two that isn’t common. I found an ostrich. I won. Two key rules: 1. whatever you claim must be biological in nature. I tried claiming road work machinery since it was, technically, a caterpillar, but Tim said it didn’t count. And 2. Birds are not animals. But that makes sense, I guess. Since everyone knows they are really radio controlled and not real. It was a fun way to pass the time and did a great job at distracting me. I was so busy looking for animals, I didn’t see most of the cliffs or the other drivers who I KNOW were thinking about crashing into us. So, what I learned about myself today: I am as easily entertained as a 5 year old.

I am looking forward to being home again. Mostly because I would like to take a long, hot shower without turning the water off between soaping and rinsing. But also, I miss real toilet paper. This RV stuff is super environmentally friendly. It degrades almost as soon as you touch it. Do not ever take toilet paper for granted. Although, I suspect most people won’t do that given The Covid TP Rush of 2020.

Tomorrow promises to be another fun filled day of driving down the road with Reggie fartin’ up a storm in the backseat. I cannot tell you how much I see that as the highlight of every day!!

5/2/21 – Sunday

Here we are, in Utah. Still. It is almost like the state just doesn’t have an end. Maybe we will be here for all of time. Driving through the picturesque countryside with our dog in the back seat drooling, snorting, and farting. Ahhhh…..now that is the life! OK, not really. Utah is ok. There are hills and cliffs here, but not as many as were in Northern Arizona. So I guess it is an alright state.

We made landing in Kaysville which is very close to Salt Lake City. I booked our reservations yesterday afternoon and got an email back saying they had a site available and everything was hunky-dory. We finally get here and they are closed. Well, it’s a heavily religious area, so no shocker there. But they had reservations posted on the main door and lot assignments all planned out. I know they got our reservation, because they charged our debit card and sent me confirmation. But was our name on that handy-dandy list? Of course not. And every single phone number associated with this place leads to a recording letting us know they will be back on Monday. Gee. So helpful. So, Tim picked a site that wasn’t reserved and that is where we parked our tired selves.

None of these sites are level. I mean, I can understand a large park having a few sites that are a little bit not perfect – I don’t expect perfection all around. But this place is horrid. We used every single leveling block we had just on one side of the trailer just to get it level enough to not roll out of bed. Unfortunately, the risk is still there. I will probably be the one to roll out of bed. But still, for all the “amenities” this place has, you’d think they could put a bit of that money into leveling the sites a bit more.

After we got everything set up, Tim and I sat inside and just relaxed for a bit. Reggie claimed his space on the couch and we were all basically tomato’s without the outer skin that bruises so easily. Except Tim. He bruises easily.

After about an hour, another couple pulled into the space next to ours. As we listened to them attempt to set up, we just looked at each other with shock and awe. Did we sound like that when we were setting up? The Husband wasn’t quite yelling at The Wife, but it was a close thing – tempers appeared to be short. She was giving as good as she got, though – equality in marriage is always something I will support. They also have a yippie-dog. One of those little dogs that barks if a butterfly flaps it’s wings in Japan. Yeah. Annoying. Although, it did shut up when The Wife picked it up, so I guess that is good. Someone in that relationship is well trained.

Tim stood in our kitchen and watched as they set up. It was pretty impressive. So much so, I had to get out and watch. They were driving a decent sized truck and towing a fifth wheel. So, in case you don’t know, a fifth wheel is a type of travel trailer that is hooked up to the middle of the bed of the truck, instead of on the back bumper of the truck. They are pretty nice. This particular one had six leveling jacks that worked independently, so you could just stand beside the trailer, in one spot, and level it according the gauges by the buttons. NICE! At one point while The Husband was sitting in the cab of the truck, The Wife had pushed various buttons and the back end of the truck came off the ground. The rest of the story I will leave to your imagination. All in all, it was a pretty fun show to watch since we don’t have cable or anything.

The only other excitement today was The Animal Game. Oh yes, it continues! It was so fun yesterday! Tim thinks the only reason I like it is because I won. I mean, he isn’t entirely wrong, but it would still be fun if I didn’t.

It started out with us both seeing some small animals dash across the road in front of us. They looked kinda like squirrels, only with slightly flatter tails. I called “squirrel-thing” and Tim called “gophers”. Well, neither of us thought the other was right and it started a somewhat heated debate regarding the nature of a squirrel tail vs. the nature of gopher coloring. See? Exciting!! Neither of us took a point on that one.

Next, I found geese. But geese are birds, I hear you say. And you are correct! BUT! Geese are very distinctive birds, so they should count. Tim allowed it, so I got the point. AND they aren’t super common, so I was feeling a little cocky about the whole thing. Then he found ducks. I couldn’t very well say no because of the “bird rule”, but I kinda wanted to because I might be competitive. I didn’t tho. I saw them, they were ducks. Grrr….

After the usual cows, chickens, and horses, Tim found a dog (harder than you might think) then a donkey! A donkey, for crying out loud!!! Well, I knew I was done for then. I mean, that was like finding the ostrich yesterday. Ah well. We didn’t quit, but I figured it was game over.

We stopped to get gas at a just off the highway truck stop. Where there were approximately 3258 people and none of them were wearing masks. Virus, people. It is bad.

As we left, I noticed signs for a petting zoo. And Lo!!! There it was – a kids petting zoo set up on the side of the highway (not weird at all). With animals right out there in the open for anyone playing The Animal Game to claim! I got peacocks, a donkey, an emu, and (the coup de grace) a camel!!! I won. Only a little competitive. Teeny tiny bit.

I would like to post a picture or two, but I’m not even sure I will be able to upload this tonight. In addition to having not level ground, this campsite boasts internet speeds slower than frozen molasses. Something to be proud of, for sure!

5/3/21 – Monday

So we made it to Boise, Idaho. I think I like Idaho. And not just because of the potatos. OK. Maybe it has a lot to do with the potatos. Either way, this part of Idaho doesn’t have Cliffs That Want To Kill you, so it falls under the “OK” category in my mind.

We got to our campsite earlier than usual which was pretty awesome. We had the pleasure of setting up the trailer and not having to pee at the same time. Do not underestimate that feeling. I know, why don’t we just use the bathroom in the trailer, and then set up? Well, I really like the idea of it, but we didn’t think about trailer logistics when we bought it. To get to the back of the trailer from the inside, you have to slide out the living room area. To slide out the living room area, it is better to be hooked up to The Power. And to connect all the hoses on the outside (cuz who wants to store their dirty water?!) you cannot have the living room slider out or you will end up crawling to the sewage drain area. Yesyes, there are easier ways to go about it, but I guess it just comes down to Tim and I wanting to Get The Work Done before we pee. That may very well be a Nurse Thing.

We are staying at a KOA campground. Usually, you need a membership for some of these, but not this particular one. It is nice enough. There is a swimming pool and laundry and all that. Some of these camp grounds are sort of like large parking lots just full of RV’s. I dunno, I get why they are like that, but at the same time, I prefer more space around us. At least this one has little grass areas between the sites. Some are just gravel.

Speaking of gravel. So, Arizona gets pretty warm. I think we covered that. There are not really lawns there because water is a Precious Resource. So most people have gravel in their front/back yards. It looked kinda neat, really. And no lawn to mow? That would be awesome. The Parents house has gravel and it looks really nice. They have done some serious remodeling since we were here last and the place looks amazing. But Reggie, our dear, dear puppy who may or may not be spoiled, was not fond of it.

OK, yes, I totally understand that some creatures have specific bathroom habits that Cannot Be Changed Ever. Reggie isn’t usually a picky dog, but I think he really hated that gravel. I mean, he did his business when he was told, but didn’t stick around to check anything out like he usually does. Fine, fine – it’s hot, I understand. But he is a very smart dog. Yeah, he looks like an absolute derp, but he isn’t. We spent most of a week at The Parent’s house and Reggie was not happy with us. He loved Grandma and Grandpa, but Tim and I were Not Friends. He frequently showed his displeasure by using the inside of the house to do his business. He absolutely KNEW he wasn’t supposed to, but this is his reaction when he isn’t happy. It was a little embarrassing. But Grandma and Grandpa just smiled and said he was a Good Boy, just a little confused, does the Good Boy want a treat? Yeah…Grandparents are all the same, spoil the kids, send ’em home to mom and dad. Reggie was in Doggy Heaven.

The Parents also have a dog, Charlie. He is a poodle mix. Cuter than anything out there! And loves his mom and dad! He would sit on them and not move for hours – it was adorable! He wasn’t too sure about Reggie, but that’s understandable. Some weird dog showed up at my house and my parents paid attention to him, I’d be a little wary too. He is a huge love bug tho. I love cuddle bunny doggies. I love Reggie too, I guess. If I have to. I am kidding! I love him! Don’t report me. Please.

Got to talk to my son tonight on Discord. And some of the people he games with. Great group. A lot of them live near each other and have known each other since grade school. So the conversations are always fun to hear. I get the biggest kick out of some of the banter and I always learn new things! Sometimes a new phrase, sometimes Interesting Facts. My favorite thing so far has been the phrase: High Speed, Low Drag. My son had to explain it to me, but it’s basically my version of High Maintenance, Not Worth The Effort. When my son was explaining it to me and I finally got it, I said that makes me Low Speed, High Drag – you know…the opposite. Makes sense to me. My son choked on his drink and said “No, Mom. Just….no” I am still unclear why that was a negative thing, but I trust his judgement.

One thing about all this travel business, I haven’t played a single video game since we left. Very weird. I think if we were doing this full time, we would definitely need more interweb hardware and super amazing laptops. I miss games. About two weeks before we left, Tim’s dad and brother, Tim and I, just started playing Everquest. HAHAHA!!! Yeah, the original, I think it’s like 25 years old. The graphics are…well, 25 years old. Crazy. I never played before, so am completely lost. But it’s fun hanging out and pretending to know what the heck is going on. We will get back to it when we get home, I am sure.

Tim has decided I need a new camera (and who am I to argue). He thinks I should get a GoPro. I looked them up, they seem like wayyyy more camera than I need, but hey – I could grow into it, right? I’ll put it on the List of Things To Buy. If I wait long enough, I suspect Tim will just go out and buy one.

So we have two more sleeps then we should be home. I still can’t decide if I am going to continue this or not. My daughter started a blog a few days ago about being a new mommy and her intent is to talk about all the things related to mommy-hood that she discovers as she goes. I am really looking forward to reading it. She has very limited Filter Settings when she is into something and some of the stuff she writes is very real, very raw, and very good. She said I inspired her to start it and is pretty sure the two of us will completely stop talking to each other and just stalk one another on our blogs. It sounds hilarious, but I could see that happening! We won’t, tho. Because when would I see my grandbaby?!?!